All the whole time, the last 25 years worth, he thought of me as a joke.
Not important
Not serious
Not real, just a sideline to what he wants.
Always expendable to what might be around the corner.
Always looking for what's up ahead.
Never what's right here
Right now.
Always leaving to go "do", to go "be".
Never what's in your hand now.
Making me feel cheap, useless, unimportant, throw away.
And it's not about feeling sorry for myself, so much as
finding and seeing the truth in this situation and fixing it
By leaving him behind.